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Life's great balancing act

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Oct. 6th, 2007 | 01:08 pm
mood: pensivepensive
music: coldplay ~ amsterdam

People go in and out of my life and I barely notice. The freshmen come in, the seniors graduate... and now it's almost my turn to go. I walk down the hall and say brief hellos to a dozen or more people on my way to class. But what's the point of saying hello if that's all I have time to say? How is that person feeling? What is that person up to tonight? What's the most exciting thing in that person's life right now? I wouldn't be able to tell you.

I don't think it's a product of apathy, because if I could, I'd sit down next to the river with each person I've said hello to in my life and have a long conversation with them. I used to do that in high school - we used to shoot the shit on driveways, in Wegmans parking lots, at coffee shops, in bookstores... I used to learn from people just by hearing about their lives, and I miss that.

Now it's all about thinking about ME - my future, applying to graduate schools, it's all so important, isn't it? What I consider fun now is taking a break from work to watch an episode or walking across the hall to have a brief conversation about life (but how can you possibly cut short a conversation about something so intrinsically important?). It's not about losing passion, but not having enough time for it...

I was a counselor for this week-long program called Freshman Leadership Program two years in a row. Both years, I was reminded of how much I miss thinking about life and talking to people about life. All we do there is talk, brainstorm, say what's on our mind at the moment, and somehow, it's cathartic enough to come back feeling like I've never felt before.

It's time to start balancing what needs to be done with what I want to do. Taking care of what needs to be done is satisfying, but it will never lead to the same satisfaction as having those long, directionless conversations, without a care in the world.

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from: forpancake
date: Oct. 10th, 2007 08:15 pm (UTC)
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you're the light of my life!!!!

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