wf

I've spent my first hours back in Pittsford re-watching movies I used to watch as a kid. I love this one....

The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years.
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears.
My heart wants to beat like the wings
Of the birds that rise from the lake to the trees,
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies from a church on a breeze,
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls
Over stones on its way
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray.
I go to the hills when my heart is lonely,
I know I will hear what I've heard before.
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music
And I'll sing once more

Like home, this never gets old. :)

The more I learn... the more I realize how much I really don't know.

This applies to academics, world news, and even my closest relationships.

----

Longing for home a little bit right now... I guess if I weren't longing for it, it wouldn't be home anymore.

----

I'm trying to figure out what I want out of this life. Would it be too trivial to say that all I want is to live and be happy? I'm not talking about that overhyped happiness you get from receiving the best gifts at Christmas or from getting the job of your dreams... rather, that subtle happiness that comes from just living and being.

If that's the case, I think I'm well on my way. Now it's my turn to make sure you get on your way too.

People go in and out of my life and I barely notice. The freshmen come in, the seniors graduate... and now it's almost my turn to go. I walk down the hall and say brief hellos to a dozen or more people on my way to class. But what's the point of saying hello if that's all I have time to say? How is that person feeling? What is that person up to tonight? What's the most exciting thing in that person's life right now? I wouldn't be able to tell you.

I don't think it's a product of apathy, because if I could, I'd sit down next to the river with each person I've said hello to in my life and have a long conversation with them. I used to do that in high school - we used to shoot the shit on driveways, in Wegmans parking lots, at coffee shops, in bookstores... I used to learn from people just by hearing about their lives, and I miss that.

Now it's all about thinking about ME - my future, applying to graduate schools, it's all so important, isn't it? What I consider fun now is taking a break from work to watch an episode or walking across the hall to have a brief conversation about life (but how can you possibly cut short a conversation about something so intrinsically important?). It's not about losing passion, but not having enough time for it...

I was a counselor for this week-long program called Freshman Leadership Program two years in a row. Both years, I was reminded of how much I miss thinking about life and talking to people about life. All we do there is talk, brainstorm, say what's on our mind at the moment, and somehow, it's cathartic enough to come back feeling like I've never felt before.

It's time to start balancing what needs to be done with what I want to do. Taking care of what needs to be done is satisfying, but it will never lead to the same satisfaction as having those long, directionless conversations, without a care in the world.

Going back to Pittsford in a few weeks... I'm looking forward to sitting along the canal, eating at Wegmans or Bruegger's 5+ days a week, hitting up Java's a few times, staying up late in Dan's basement with the regular crowd, NOT going to the dentist, and of course, home-cooked food...

My parents decided to take advantage of America's independence day to go to Canada. Things have worked out such that I guess I'm going too... I've got to brush up on my French, that's for sure. I'll have to make my own fireworks this year, but it'll definitely be a trip to remember.

Looking back, I'm so thankful for what I've been given this year. Junior year, you were pretty damn amazing.

I guess now it's time to look forward. Summer-in-Cambridge-#2. It should be a good time, hopefully full of friends visiting, endless girl-talk, and enjoying the sweet summer sun...

Wow. I barely remembered the password. Maybe I'll start this up again, hm?

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote anything, but there's no point in summarizing it all so I guess I'll start with the most recent. First off, if you live in Southern California (namely, San Diego), then you are really lucky. I went there and Los Angeles for spring break, and the laid-back nature of the general population there made me want to live there for the rest of my life. I guess growing up on the East Coast has made me walk quickly, talk quickly, enjoy rushed and efficient service... but sometimes I wish I was brought up to just take it easy...

MIT is still treating me alright. I'm excited for the spring to come and for it to start warming up so I can start running along the river again. All I can say about my life right now is that there's a hell of a lot to look forward to.

I am so confused right now...

Where does the time go when it's not around here?

A month and a half has slipped by without me writing anything, but I'm basically the same person I was before, with a little more knowledge and the same amount of insight.

My favorite class by far is my physics/astronomy lab, because one night a week we travel to an observatory forty-five minutes away to observe and get data for our final projects. When I'm out there, I forget about people, MIT, work, everything because the place is basically deserted. Out there, I take every chance I can get to look at the sky. When I'm not taking exposures or adjusting the telescope, I lean my head back and stare everywhere around me. And I remember why I came to this place - to learn, to be inspired. Because every single time I'm out there, I am reinspired, if that's even possible. By the stars? I think that's only part of it. I think the main reason is because I'm reminded that there's still so much for me to learn, and it's all there waiting to be discovered.

I think it's important to remember, every once in awhile, why you're doing what you're doing. At least in my experience, life just seems a little happier that way.

I'm staring at my physics problem set, wondering how me finishing this is going to help the world. It's not going to, really. Even when I grow up and go into physics research... is that really helping?

I guess this day makes me remember that with every tragedy comes some sort of inspiration to do good. Even if it's smiling at strangers in the street, or telling a police officer that you really appreciate him or her. I lit a candle for this day... I lit the candle in memory of a stranger. I don't know if that's okay.

If you found yourself feeling down today, know that you are not alone.

...that it's going to be an awesome year. I live in a kick-ass suite, and I'm entering my third year with some sort of renewed strength that I haven't felt in a long while.

I went to a dinner with people I hadn't seen all summer last night. There we were, sitting in Bertucci's, completely delirious because the service was so, so bad. The waitress forgot to bring us water for a long time, but when she did, it was a pitcher which was three-fourths full of ice. She gave one of us the wrong dish but claimed it was right, and never checked up on us during dinner. It took as long to produce the check as it had to eat our dinner. But we had a freaking awesome time... I think at one point, we were all silent due to laughter.

The good times... just because school's starting doesn't mean they have to go away. :) Let's start this year off right.

This past week, I was a camp counselor for a leadership program. This past week, I learned how to love people. I learned how to hold unprecedented compassion. I learned when it was okay to cry, and that's whenever you feel like you need to. I learned how to give and receive, I learned how to be myself. I learned how to laugh, I learned that craziness is contagious...

I've still so much to learn, this is just the beginning. But the realization that I'm on a path to something wonderful is reassuring, to say the least.

I saw Miami Vice last night. It was the suck. Okay, well I can see how it could be entertaining, but I think I could've been more productive if I had slept through the movie. Instead, I stayed awake and laughed at all of the crime and nudity with Tiff. I think we were being really rude. We were those people that you hate at movie theatres, but can't help it if you become one. At one point, Colin Ferrell made a dead-on shot at a bald man, and a guy in the movie theatre shouted, "DAY-AM!" That was hilarious.

In other news, I'm moving this weekend. I think I like the idea of moving, although I hate the physical labor. But I like the idea of packing my life into boxes, and throwing away extraneous stuff that my life doesn't need anymore (i.e. receipts, fobby clothes from my mom, extra packets of oatmeal, etc). It's almost like a cleansing. Catharsis? Okay, this is getting way too complicated for a Friday afternoon entry.

I miss home a bit, but not enough to be diagnosed as homesick. I will admit that the fastest five days of the summer were those spent at home, along the Erie Canal. Reconnecting with the familiar always makes time fly.

Time to pack my life up!

It's like every time I come back to this place, I rediscover how wonderful it is.

Home, you haven't gotten any fatter, and you age pretty damn well.

I was walking in Harvard Square yesterday and I ran into a girl I hadn't seen since high school. I hadn't even known her that well; we hadn't been in many of the same classes, we never hung out together... but I suddenly felt myself giving her a hug. I have no idea why. I guess familiarity is just that comforting. It's just funny that the longest conversation I've ever had with her took place far removed from the place I call home, and yet home is how I know her.

Here's to beautiful summer nights - these are the sorts of nights we only read about in books, but rarely get to experience ourselves. :)

I'll be there for you!
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you!
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you,
'Cause you're there for me too...


I hope I can be as good a friend as the narrator of this song... my #1 'thing' is to always help a friend in need. I hope I'm still sticking to it.

I wish Inspiration was something you could buy at the supermarket, in the pharmaceuticals aisle, filed under "I," right after Ibuprofen.

I wish I were more in shape (an isoceles triangle, or even a rhombus would do).

I wish the fact that the world was round would phase me. I wish the knowledge of all the stuff that's going on on the other side of the world would phase me. I wish knowing that there are people much less well-off than I am would change my day-to-day life somehow. But the truth is, it all doesn't.

I wish the sun would rise at nine in the morning so I could see it every day.

I wish I had the laugh that that beautiful girl I saw on the street has. Not her features, just her laugh.

I wish coffee were full of vitamins.

I wish I could be everywhere at once. At any given moment, there are millions of people living on the other side of the Earth, going through the same routines I go through every day, but in different ways. I wish I could be there to see all of that.

I wish things were always as they seemed. But I guess it's true that the past is no simpler than the present - it's just always easier to blame the present's complications by simplifying what used to be.

I wish July 4th were a conventional time for wishful thinking.

The truth is, someone probably thinks the world of you, so stop sitting in front of your computer reading this, go find them and start reciprocating the love.

Happy four, everybody.

Woah dang, this summer is flying by like kids fly from bee's nests. And to my dismay! Isn't the Fourth of July supposed to mark the middle of the summer? I probably just made that up.

Summer in Cambridge is great -- I've been reading, yard sale shopping, hanging around my new dorm, thinking about life less, sailing, hanging with old friends, new friends, any kind of friends! Learning how to make cool images at work, and also dabbling in a little bit of programming. I'm proud to say that I've kept in touch with just about everybody. And hopefully I'll get to go home sometime soon, although looking online for airfares can be pretty tedious.

You know, there's something about home that's grounding, and I don't know what it is. I think my freshmen year, I didn't really see the point in going home for small breaks like long weekends and Thanksgiving break, but I did anyway, although I found it tiresome. Sophomore year, I didn't go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, so I didn't see Pittsford, New York until March for Spring Break. And dang, when I stepped off of the train in March, I could smell the city of Rochester already, and nothing at that moment could have made me more excited. On the drive home, I clung to the window like a little kid's tongue clings to a lollipop... just seeing familiar buildings (and Rochester has never been prized for it's beauty, mind you)... maybe just a week of being surrrounded by familiarity was enough to get me back to college, in brand-new casing. But yeah, I'm not sure what it is about home that makes it so great, but it's a place I can always rely on to put me back on my feet.

I'm not sure what it is about the summer that makes me think less, but I find myself thinking about life and happiness and people less. You know, I always said to my friends during the semester that I think it's really important to occasionally smile at strangers, like busdrivers or cashiers, and just give them a huge, sincere smile and say things like, "Have a nice day!" because it can brighten up someone's day. I just like that sort of thing. I mean, don't be superficial about it. But I take the bus to and from work everyday, and everytime I disembark (ooh, I bet you almost went to www.dictionary.com on that word), I turn to the driver and say, "Thank you for driving!" and I see this look of surprise on his/her face. Some are even startled. And before they can really respond, I hop off the bus. And they're probably thinking, "Ha! What a peculiar girl!" But I'm not really that peculiar, if you think about it. I guess it sounds like I'm sort of preaching the "Let's make the world a happier place by being happy" mentality, but I suppose you should never smile if you don't really mean it. But if you do, then go for it! Go for the gold! Make the world a happier place! This does not mean you should have more sex.

What makes you think? What makes you happy? I don't even really know anymore, because these days, I'm taking life as it comes and tellin' it like it is. Goodnight, evra-body.

Which File Extension are You?


Posted for your enjoyment.

Now I'm out to catch some of that sweet summer sun...

I finally moved into my dorm for the summer! Bexley Hall. Man, what a place. Really different from the big open suites of Burton-Conner, but maybe a bit more social? My entry is actually pretty quiet but tonight, I made cookies and went around and gave them to people I knew (which is actually a majority of the dorm). I think this living situation is going to be awesome, considering sitting at my desk provides me with one of the best people-watching views on campus.

I have to figure out what to do with my evenings. By the time I get back from work, bike or swim, and eat dinner, it's about 7:30. What happens from 7:30-1? Playtime? Swinging on the swingset? Tonight, I just sat on the Student Center steps watching the sunset, people-watching and holding my latest book, The Poisonwood Bible. These days, that's how I read. I bring a book with me everywhere (save the shower and the bathroom) so I can at least feel like my summer is going into something productive like holding a book. So anytime I feel like looking down and reading a chapter, I'll do just that.

Summer in Cambridge has been really nice. You know, a lot of people refer to this place as Boston. In other words, if they're working at MIT for the summer, they'll say, "Oh, I'm staying in Boston this summer." Why? MIT isn't in Boston. But I guess that sounds cooler than "I'm staying in Cambridge this summer" because the word "Cambridge" doesn't have that zingy zest to it. Zingy zest? Whatever, it's written so I'll keep it. But yeah, I've always liked saying that I live in Cambridge, because it sounds like something a grown-up would say. Grown-up. I used to think 19-year-olds were grown-ups. But now that I'm there, I'm pretty sure I still have a long way to go. Then again, I'll probably be saying the same thing when I'm 30.

Anyway, my job is great -- it's really awesome to work with people who are so intent on teaching you something. It's a nice change from the semester, where it's really difficult to find someone who wants to see you learn something. Well, I guess that's not always true, but it really is difficult to find an MIT professor who isn't too busy with research to actually put time into the classes they teach. Not a bitter statement, just an observation I guess.

All of this ABBA I've been listening to reminds me of high school and the night we all paid $50 to see Mamma Mia! The good times... are far from over! This summer, I'm going to do something productive, like paint my nails bright pink, and learn Photoshop and cut ugly people out of pictures. Well, my nails are already bright pink. But the rest should keep me occupied for quite some time. Sorry for the discombobulated entry. I'm actually not sorry, I just wanted to use that word. I've got to start using big words if I want to do okay on my GRE's in 1.5 years. Okay bye!

I'm actually not sure who reads this anymore, but then again, I never really wrote for anyone in particular, so I guess the fact that I've lost audience members shouldn't change anything. This past week started out really slowly, with everybody gone and the constant lingering feeling that something was missing or unfulfilled. But I slowly got used to the empty suite, and now I actually like it. Been partying late with Tiff, Sisi or Eric... and by partying I mean listening to music, eating and falling asleep in other people's beds.

My parents came for a five-day visit. Sometimes, I feel guilty that they treasure the time they spend with me so much and I never seem to care too much. I mean, I love spending time with them but it seems they care about me more than I do about them. I guess that's sort of mean. I just find it difficult to reciprocate parental love. In any case, I ate lots of food from Chinatown and realized that me and Asian things don't really get along. I don't like seafood or beef, which limits me to 1/3 of any Asian menu.

Regardless, I think I'm getting better. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. What's better? I guess I think about things less than I did during the semester. These days, I just take whatever comes, without putting too much thought into why people do things. I think life's easier that way, although I'll probably pull out thinker-Wen-fai sometime during the summer.

I've started my new job at Harvard. It's pretty neat. Although I'm starting to doubt my dream to do research for the rest of my life. At lunch on my first full day of work (last Friday), one of the post-docs made all of the graduate students go around and rate their own research on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being that one's research would someday be ground-breaking Einstein revolutionary science material, 1 being that the scientific community could give a shit about what you're doing... and most everybody gave themself a 3! That was pretty sad. Some guy said, "You know, I could spend my whole life contributing a little piece to the puzzle, at best... I might not even do anything for the world." I think they soon realized that they weren't being good influences to me, but it was good to get the truth out. I suppose if I do decide to do research for my entire life and end up getting nothing worthy accomplished, I could make up for it by being an inspiration in other ways. I suppose I would have to pick up some obscure hobby, and become ridiculously good at it.

Now I'm just rambling. I've started to get the start-a-book-and-drop-it-after-twenty-pages syndrome, and it's only the first week of summer. This is the suck. I'm trying to finish Hitchhiker's Guide which I started last summer, and just a few minutes ago, I realized I only have 30 pages left in the book. This somehow gives me more inspiration to just finish the damn thing.

I have the feeling that this summer is going to fly by. Soon, we'll all get into that 9-5 work schedule, and we'll be channel-surfing at 9pm and realize it's time for bed. Time for bed!